Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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