I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
