mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
