Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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