How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
