You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize