I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
