I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize