In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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