Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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