i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
