I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
