Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
