Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You can't motorboat a personality
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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