all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
