I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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