I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
