Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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