I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
