I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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