I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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