i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
