He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
