I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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