If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
