Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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