Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
