Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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