I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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