I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
