Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize