Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
