pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
