As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
