Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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