i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize