Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
