Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
