nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
