it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
