I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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