so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
do herpes really smell.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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