Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My boob is missing a layer of skin
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
