I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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