First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
