yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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