Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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