I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can text with my tongue
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Randomize
