I wish i was in the wii world.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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