Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
