i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
