i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
