I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
