dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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