somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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