You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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