so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Vodka?
Forever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
