i was born a porn star she said
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
