I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
