I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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