Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
