i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
