96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
