you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
