K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
