Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
