I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
