UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
