Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
