Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
