It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
