Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
