so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
