Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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