i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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