It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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