a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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