your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
