Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize