Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
