Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
