1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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