I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
