god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
organizing the empties. That sober.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
