unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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