Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
