I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
