Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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