Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
