You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize