Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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