Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
