I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry about my life...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
