I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
