i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
