i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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