there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
