the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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