I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
