some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
