The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize